This reminds me of another day

Extra-alone today. The vacant spaces are more vacant. It's hard to write at someone else's computer. Even if all the web pages are the same and the keys are in the same places on the keyboard, it is an unfamiliar stage I am not at home on.

No letter today. It's been a full two weeks since I've heard anything, and three weeks since the last letter. Once I've checked the mail and counted these numbers on my fingers, it's hard to look away from them and move on with my day.

The fact that an extra person was spending a few days hear earlier this week helped keep my mind off the lack of word from DH, and the house is extra-empty now. The back door is open as the weather is a little warmer. An unfamiliar wind sweeps through the rooms I haunt, changing everything to be a bit less familiar.

Earlier, as I sat with my cup of tea, listening to a drone that sounded like an airplane, but got neither closer nor farther away, I mentally compared today to a day last year when I was most angry with DH. I don't even recall what month it was in, but it involved the Marines, naturally.

DH had met with a recruiter in my home town, but didn't like the vibe of the place, so searched neighboring towns for other USMC offices. The one he found was about 20 miles away. When he went for his first time meeting the Staff Sargent who would walk him through the next several months, DH dropped me off at a bookstore.

When we said goodbye, it was early in the evening. My end of the story doesn't have many details or hold much interest. I wandered around looking at books for a couple hours. I sent him text messages after about two hours that went unanswered. Calls to DH went straight to voicemail. Around 8 the recruiting office was called, but no one picked up. I got worried, called my mom (we were staying with my parents at the time). I remember pacing around the store, clutching my phone in one hand, waiting for it to ring.

More strongly I remember sitting outside, at a metal table in the darkness. I was cold and anxious. Waiting for DH's car, then eventually waiting for my mom to pick me up. My mind tried not to go over any of the possibilities of why I didn't hear back from DH, tried not to consider anything but "he's still at the office, they just didn't hear the phone ring."

At home it was getting later. Four hours since I had heard from him? Since he had dropped me off at a bookstore? I talked with a couple friends, heart beating too fast to be tactful or clear about what was going on (sorry about that, Draco).

I think it was around nine when I finally got a text from DH. It was short, few details, he was on his way home. I called him right away, and boy did he get an earful from me. Primarily for texting when there were several frantic voicemails from me, but also for leaving me at a bookstore for four hours and having his phone off.

His end of the story was more interesting than mine. DH had turned off his phone to take a placement test, and had neglected to turn it back on as he talked with the recruiters. They were in a back room with no clock and no windows; he had lost track of time.

I cooled down pretty quickly, especially after he got home and I could use my angry voice and my angry eyes to tell him where he went wrong. But the incident still gave me early negative experiences with the USMC. I do my best not to hold it against them, such things wouldn't be rational. I'm not always a rational creature, though.

Today is not an anxious day. I'm not worried about DH. I know where he is, and I know that I would hear if anything was wrong. It's still excruciating, though, to go so long without hearing from him. Last night I re-read the few letters I've gotten so far. I wish I could re-hear the phone call I got two weeks ago.

At least we're more than halfway through. As of tomorrow I'll be inside the 40 day countdown. Actually, right now I have 40 days until Family Day. Forty-one until graduation. More than a month, but not much more.