Now that DH is gone, I realize more than ever how much reassurance and support he is for me on a daily basis when we're together. The majority of support I get from him and nowhere else is related to my artistic endeavors. DH is amazing at pointing out what I do right and guiding me toward how to fix what I do wrong.
It often takes me a long time to trust someone's assessment of my art, and to be open to help with fixing things, I have to have a high opinion of their skills. I don't think I'm unique in this, but I have an odd mix of insecurity and defensiveness about my work. Mostly the former, though.
Several times in the past few days I've felt devastatingly awful about the watercolor illustrations I've been doing. It's a project I've been planning on spending most of these three months on. Any disruption of that plan, especially abandonment of it, will likely cause me to lose my bearings again. Being in that situation is not fun at all.
The one thought of determination that gets me through the bouts of self doubt and insecurity is that DH doesn't have anyone familiar to lean on, either. No doubt he's bonding with his boot camp buddies, and they'll develop a teamwork rapport, but he doesn't have, well, me there being reassuring and encouraging. If he can get through 12 weeks of physically and mentally demanding insanity without me, I can get through the terror and possible humiliation of creating and sharing artwork without him. Don't want to, but I can.
And since I'm uploading things, something for my mom:
It snowed a little more today, and I went outside in the super light flurry. Very cold to this SoCal girl, but I had my comfy old sweatshirt from home (thanks to my self-care package arriving today).
The reddish brown blob on the right is Moxie, one of the dogs here.
1 comment:
That watercolor is charming; don't give up on your projects. I can be just as hard on myself about my writing. It's impressive that you are taking this separation as a chance to grow in confidence.
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