Day... Ugh. 18?

I'm not going to lie. Week 3 is the hardest yet.

- Somehow the social activity (and lack of creative productivity) of Saturday and Sunday sent me into a lonesome, isolated tailspin that lasted all of Monday and Tuesday and definitely impacted Wednesday. (But things got better near the end.)

- My father-in-law and my parents both heard from DH but I haven't yet (I know I'm on the other side of the country, but that doesn't keep me from being petty.)

- FiL heard that DH had pneumonia for a while. :| (He's better now, it seems)

- Some of the other tidbits that my FiL passed on to me made me feel especially far apart and detached from DH.

- I failed to send DH a letter multiple days in a row.

Pulled apart and written down like that, none of it sounds like a big deal. I feel like I'm clutching onto rocks at the edge of a tall, high waterfall, and every oppressive or depressive moment hits me full in the face, threatening to drag me to my doom. Every difficult moment is seems to last forever, but when I look back, all of them are a small and distant pool far away from me.

Despite anguished days, the week seems to pass quickly.


I'm getting annoyed with the forum again, and all the women who still at least hear from their deployed husbands. I'm not annoyed with the individuals, just frustrated and feeling that ache of isolation. FIE.

Speaking of isolation, I've been pondering over the whole topic in my mind, over and over again, trying to uncover the roots of what and why and so on. Why am I being (in my head) an attention whore? What specific internal switches do I want to flip?

I'm very reflective and analytical, but despite these things giving me comfort and (apparently) insight, I wonder if all this psychology is really true and meaningful, or if I'm creating answers rather than finding them.

Is there really a difference between reactive socializing (with people who are around for their own reasons) or proactive socializing (with people who wouldn't be around without my input)? Does it really make a difference to have something outside my head to look forward to in the near (under 2 weeks) future?


On the radio today I heard that the point of novels is to ask questions, not answer them. *smirk*


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Photo credit: t.brumme